Friday, June 06, 2014

Protecting Your Home From Porn

I grew up with Internet pornography and it did a lot of damage to my life.  If you want to protect your kids and husbands from the dangers of Internet Porn, I recommend taking some important steps to reduce access to porn in your home.  But before diving into the details, here are some important things to know about males.

Things To Know About Males and Porn Addiction
  • Men are looking for the shape of a woman (if heterosexual) or any flesh colored visual input they can see.  It's all about the eyes.
  • When we see visual input, it freezes us. The brain goes numb, it's hard to move, it's hard to get away.
  • There are triggers that cause men to start looking:
    • bathing suits, underwear, teasing positions
    • Ads, magazines, news sites and video game sites are often triggers
  • Porn is never satisfied, you can't get enough.
  • Spirals down into darker and darker areas.  Websites are all linked together to get darker (softcore > intercourse > group > bestiality > pain > child > violent > dead) .  It never stays at the same level. Something once gross slowly becomes erotic with each side link exposure.
  • The tendency is to prolong pleasure which leads to very long searching and viewing sessions which is very damaging and changes sexual stimulus in the brain, to the point where sex with a real person is less pleasurable.
  • It's like crack, almost impossible to lift yourself out of it on your own.  You need help from others.
  • Once you see it once, it can get stuck in your brain for days or weeks with a strong pull
    • Images are often permanently stuck and comes back to haunt you years later in moments of weakness
Now let's think about this. Internet porn is such a distortion of God's marvelous creation!  In a healthy marriage:

  • You are looking for your wife
  • You see her and are frozen in love, brain goes numb, can't take your eyes off her
  • There are triggers like bathing suits, underwear, teasing positions
  • A look is not enough, you need to keep going : )
  • Images are permanently stuck in your brain
Isn't that amazing!  Plus you don't feel guilty, you are satisfied for days and you get to have beautiful kids as a result.  So what looks like something really bad, is designed for something really wonderful!

But, we're not here to talk about the birds and the bees, so let's get back to the topic at hand.  Porn is a lot easier to stay clear of if you avoid it in the first place.  You can be instrumental in saving your kids from a world of heartache and destruction. They say an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so let's get technical and setup some prevention.

No Magic Bullet

There is no software on earth that can block all porn sites.  There are so many different ways to search and access porn. Filters simply cannot account for all possible scenarios. If you want to have the Internet in your house, you are going to have to work hard to protect your family. Hopefully these tricks will help you get started and you can continue to work at it as technology advances.

Internet and Computer Safety

  1. Stop Using Internet Explorer
    • It is a malware magnet, it is not safe and can destroy your PC
    • Use Google Chrome instead
    • Delete all shortcuts to IE and replace them with shortcuts to Google Chrome
  2. Setup Adblock Extension for Chrome
    • Sex sells and advertisers are selling hard
    • Get rid of these triggers on all websites instantly!
  3. Do Not... I Repeat Do Not Download Illegal Content
    • Torrents, PirateBay, downloading movies, don't do it
    • It's illegal
    • You are going to unwittingly download malware that will destroy your computer
    • It's God's punishment, save your computer and don't do it
    • These are major channels for porn, don't mess with it
  4. Do Not Install Crappy Weird Photo Art Software
    • Weird one-off software will wreck your computer
    • Might install malware you can't off your computer
    • Stick to name brands and software that millions of people use
    • Use Web Apps (don't install weird activeX plug-ins though, Flash only)
  5. Setup OpenDNS Family Shield
    • Don't have to install clunky software
    • Open community list of blocked porn sites
    • Updated with new sites all the time
    • Hugely popular, used in schools and workplaces
    • It blocks major porn sites
      • Helps with popular sites kids hear about from friends
      • Helps with accidents
    • It does not block all porn sites!  There are millions of ways to access porn through searching and this only covers 1% of what is out there!
    • Older kids and adults can still hack it:
      • They run into a blocked site
      • Google OpenDNS and see how it's setup
      • Undo the setup
      • Turn it back on before mom and dad get home
    • Here is a video I made showing how to set up OpenDNS Family Shield on a BellAliant router
      • Don't try to test it yourself!  Even though I did in the video as a demonstration, it's a bad idea, you are just asking for trouble.
      • Make sure you flush your DNS and empty web caches (resets your internet connection history)  
Restricting Access on Specific Devices

First, I will just start by mentioning a great article that has a lot of this information and I will be referencing it so as to not re-invent the wheel.  The article is  How To Child Proof the Internet.

Secondly I'm just going to come out and say that Apple is better.  I mean that in every sense, but especially when it comes to protecting kids.  It's easier to setup, well thought out and it's part of the operating system.  If you have the choice between a mac and a PC, get a mac.  If you have a choice between an iPhone and an Android, get an iPhone.  If you have a choice between an Android Tablet and an iPad, get the iPad.  With that said, I will try to cover both types of device, but keep in mind that Windows and Android both treat child protection as afterthought.

Windows 7

  1. Download Windows Essentials
  2. Do a custom install and only install the family safety software
  3. Sign in with a Hotmail or Live account (create one if you don't have one)
  4. Click Start button and search for Family Safety or Parental Controls

    *Instructions vary at this point depending on if it's a home PC or work PC and other factors
  5. Create a monitored account
  6. Control Parental Control Settings through the web portal
    • Use the Allow List Only to specific websites they can visit, no other websites are allowed
    • Use Time Limits and Curfews to restrict times
    • Hopefully you can allow only specific programs, otherwise they will just find others ways to get the things they want.  I was not able to get this working on my laptop.
  7. Do lots of Googling on Windows Parental Controls and Family Safety and try to get it working
Windows 8

Use some of the steps above.  Apparently it is built right into Windows 8 and you don't have to download anything.


Use the article  How To Child Proof the Internet to turn on parental controls.  Once you have an account set up with restricted websites and applications, you can use the login name menu at the top right of the desktop to quickly switch between users.  Make sure that the adult login requires a password so the child can't switch back to the adult account automatically.

Best Advice - Use Screen Saver Passwords!

This is probably the best advice I can give you on this whole subject... when you walk away from a computer logged in with an adult account, lock the screen and require a password to get back in!  It's so easy to setup and is the easiest way to protect your kids.


  1. System Preferences > Desktop & Screen Saver > Hot Corners... > (top right) Put Display to Sleep
    • Put mouse in top right corner to turn screen black
  2. System Preferences > Security & Privacy > General > Require password for sleep and screen saver immediately
    • Requires a password to get back in


  1. Start > Control Panel > Personalization > Screen Saver > On resume, display logon screen 
  2. Use Windows key + L to quickly lock the computer when you walk away
Best Advice - Buddy Up for Searches

When you need to use the internet to search using an adult's account, buddy up with someone else.  Always search with two or more people.  One person should be a female or very responsible.

Best Advice - Keep the Computer High or Central

If your kids are young, put your computer up high so the kids can't get at it.  If your kids are older, put the computer in a central place like the kitchen.

Best Advice - Moms and Girls Have the Passwords

Keep the passwords away from the men.  Simple!  We haven't set this up yet, but we probably will soon now that the boys are getting older.

IOS Devices (iPads, iPhones and iPodTouch)

Use the article  How To Child Proof the Internet to turn on restrictions.

Turn off:

  • Safari
  • iTunes Store
  • Installing Apps
  • In-App Purchases
  • Deleting Apps (if you have small kids)
You can turn them back on anytime to use the the device as an adult, but don't forget to turn the restrictions back on when you are done!


Download and Install Kid's Shell . It's an easy way to restrict what apps the kids can use when playing games or using educational apps.  Make sure the web browser is off limits.

Other Sneeky Devices

I don't cover these devices here, but there are other sneeky devices that you need to be aware of as well. You can Google instructions on how to restrict these devices.

  • Wii
  • Xbox
  • Playstation
  • Watches (soon enough!)


When friends come over, make sure any devices they have get handed over to mom.  It might be awkward, but you can't risk the kids running off to a closed door room and getting into trouble.

Friends Houses and Sleepovers

Super danger alert!  There is no easy answer here.  You need to know the parents really well and they need to share your thoughts and practices.  I saw porn at friends houses.  I would recommend against sleepovers.  More trouble is going to happen at night.

Wrap up

That's all the advice I have for now.  Hopefully you have found this helpful.  The technology landscape will change drastically and this information will probably be outdated soon, but the main idea is that you either do the work to research online and protect your family or you get someone technical to help you out.  It's worth it!  Make the investment!

Update: Here is the powerpoint deck I used for the June 7th, 2014 HENB conference